Hard is Hard

I ran across a particular meme on social media the other day, it said, “I hear you. Raising kids and running a house keep me busy too. I also have this little gig on the side called a full time job.”

Thankfully it was on a social media page and not in real life or I might have just come unglued right then and there! As it was, my poor husband had to listen to me rant and rave and then watch me mull and cry over this one little meme. I know, I know, it is just social media right? I know, I know, it isn’t real life right? But you know what? It IS real. It means something.

What it means is that one person somehow thinks they have a corner on the market of “hard” when it comes to living life. It means that one person seems to think they have the right to tell someone else that unless they have “walked in their shoes” then they have no room to feel like life is hard. It means that somehow one person thinks they have the right to see others’ hard times as trivial if they don’t think they compare to the hard stuff in their own life.

Look, LIFE IS HARD. It just is. It is supposed to be hard. What? Yes. I said it. Life is supposed to be hard. Somewhere along the line of history we bought into, swallowed and embraced the idea that we are supposed to achieve the life of perpetually sunny days, no work, all play and no struggle. This simply isn’t true. The Bible is very clear that in this life we WILL have struggles (John 16:33, 1 Peter 4:12, James 1:2,- to name a few). Yes, Jesus made a way for us to choose joy, to grow and to have hope in the midst of struggles and hardships but hardships are a guarantee, nonetheless.

Some days we might get it right. Some days we might encounter hardships and be able to smile and move right on through it. Some days we might be organized and have all our stuff together. Some days we might even be able to endure and laugh and enjoy life even though deep down it feels really, really hard. Some days that is great! But other days maybe not so much. Sometimes we crash and burn. Sometimes we fall and feel overcome and overwhelmed. Sometimes we cry and ask why and scream about it not being fair. Guess what. That is ok too. So, if it is ok for you. Let it be ok for others.

Maybe, just maybe, your neighbor or friend or coworker or church acquaintance is also struggling in life. Maybe, just maybe, they are encountering hard days, days of grief, days of trial and maybe they are feeling overwhelmed by life in general. Is it your job to say whether today is an ok day for them to feel that way? Do you get to say how hard is hard enough to finally claim "life is hard"? No. You don’t. Their hard may not seem very hard to you but it is so very hard for them. Let them have their hard. Let them have their days of struggle. Be there for them, support them, pray for them, encourage them but please, oh please, do not belittle their struggle by saying “Well, my life is harder than yours and I’m not crying about it so neither should you.”

For goodness sake, we really have no idea at all what they are really going through. We don’t know their heart. We don’t know all there is to know about what they are encountering. Sometimes the best friendship, the best support, the best thing you can do is to let them experience their hard stuff in their own way.

Don’t misunderstand. It is the vital role of the body to encourage, lift up and bring life to those around us. This can be done without minimizing their hurt, their grief and their struggle. This can be done in such a way that builds them up, builds relationships and points them to the Father. Sometimes we don’t need to say what we encountered in our own journey or what seems hard in our own lives in order to prove to someone else that we understand what they are going through. Sometimes just listening and offering kind words is enough. Sometimes just empathizing with the feeling of “ life is hard” is good enough without comparing your hard life to theirs.

I have gotten this wrong. So. Many. Times. I know I have hurt others by minimizing their life experience. For that, I am truly sorry. I am learning to love without judging, to care without comparing and to encourage without advising. May we learn.

I implore you, Body of Christ, let us put aside our judgement. Let us put aside our impressions and opinions. Let us put aside our own needs and attend to those who are struggling around us. You aren’t the only one with hard stuff going on. You don’t have a corner on that market. And just because you think someone else’s hard isn’t as hard as yours doesn’t mean it isn’t hard to them. Hard is hard, my friend. It is just hard.

And may we remember that social media is not a place to fling stones and think nobody will get hurt. People are people whether behind a screen or in front of our face. And if we must err, may we err on the side of love and grace.

So, may your hard days be well weathered and may your hearts find healing in the helping of others. May your roots grow strong and your fruit grow beautiful as you endure your hardships and one day, lend a loving hand of understanding to others.