Faith, Hope and Love

Faith, hope and love. These three are the staples of everything from fairytales, to the Bible. They are quoted and drawn upon in all areas of life. People not only wrap their lives and spirituality around these three pillars but also try to incorporate them into their politics. These three words are concrete and abstract at the same time. They are reached for by those who are living a joy filled life and by those who are aching for such. But, one connection between them all is that they are often times vastly misunderstood and even misused.

Of course one of the most well known and quoted dissertation on these is 1 Corinthians 13 where in verse 13 it says, "And now, these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." Truly, love, above all, has indescribable power. Power to change, to forgive, to lead, to heal, to cure, to open a heart, and so much more. Love can not be summed up or fully described in few words (although the 1 Corinthians 13 does a very good job).

Many people from poets to authors from ministers to laymen from neighbors to family have tried to recount the effects and depth of love. I am certainly not claiming that I understand completely, in fact, I am the first to admit that I barely grasp even the smallest implications of the word. However, you and I both know that when it is represented in sincerity, and truth it is impossible to miss it.

There are many things that love IS and many that it is NOT. We have quite the list in 1 Corinthians. We have heard many times, "If you really love someone you will..." or "...you will not...". But there is one that I imagine you don't hear that often. It is counter- cultural, it is many times opposite of what we feel, it is difficult and it is rarely seen. It is the act of taking personal responsibility for wrong doings we have committed. Yes, I do believe that is one of the many ways to express true love to someone.

Someone once told me that if you want to have a happy marriage always try to be the first to apologize. I'm not saying be a doormat or grovel. I am simply saying that if you do a wrong or make a mistake own up to it. Our society is no longer condoning this righteous behavior. You see it all the time - "it's their fault that I am..." or "it's not my fault I..." or "it's their responsibility to... for me" or "it's not my responsibility to...". Right? Ring a bell? Well, as I recall I don't remember Jesus, the embodiment of love, ever saying, "It's not my fault they are all sinners." And, although he did not sin and have to take responsibility for mistakes, he went a step further and took on the responsibility for the entire world. If we can't take personal responsibility for the small things we do how can we expect to receive the grace that has come from such a great act of love?

When we step up and take responsibility for the things we have done or left undone we free up those around us to forgive. We allow time and resources that otherwise would be wasted on covering our mess to be freed for better use. When we take responsibility, we are admitting to our own humanity and our own need for love. We are stripping away at the pride in our life and admitting that we are no better than those around us. When we admit we were wrong and try to fix the problem we are showing that we are humbled and teachable and that we would accept the same from them without judgement. There are so many ways that love is shown when we take the time to own up to our mistakes and make the necessary changes in our lives.

If we all would take personal responsibility for the things we've messed up in our own lives we would be paying less in our own time and money and resources to fix the problems caused by others. I encourage us all to take a step back and think about taking the more righteous approach to love. Let us lay down ourselves, take up our responsibility and truly make a change in our lives. Let's teach our children that mistakes are made but owning up to it is what makes you a better person. Let's show the world that love is not arrogant. Let's do it, one family and one day at a time.

A Blue Satin Box

Recently I said good by to a friend. I attended her memorial service. She wasn't someone I had known long or well but I was enjoying the growing friendship we were cultivating. She was tragically taken from this Earth in a sudden car accident. She is survived by her family which includes two young children. That is what breaks my heart the most. The memories that will fade and more so the ones that will never be made. She loved her children, she treasured them, she sought their joy. She was a person with a bright smile, a curiosity about life and an appreciation for the human being in everyone.

I sat there alone near the front with plenty of tissues in hand. The lights were dim and people filed in slowly talking in low, solemn voices. I listened to the calm music of the pianist. Soon a collage of photos representing her life began to slide across the screen. As I sat there listening and watching, experiencing her life through the eyes of other friends and family I allowed my tears to flow freely. I became a bit introspective. At one moment I looked up at the pictures of her face full of life and the next instant my eyes came to rest on the little box covered in blue satin that held all that remained of Sasha.

Her death touched places in my heart that are deep and still tender. It made me want to gather my family in my home and lock the doors and never venture into the dangerous world of horrors around us. It made me want to cry and cry for her lost memories and for the lost memories of her children but also for the memories that I have not given my family. It made me wonder, if the same fate befell me, would my family know how much I love and adore them. Would they know that I treasure their lives much more than even my own? Would they remember the happy times and the fun times or the sad and harsh times? Would there be enough memories to last a lifetime?

I determined that moment that my life would not fit into a small satin box. I realized that I need to enjoy life's moments more. I need to smile and laugh more. I need to be less selfish and more available. I need to love my children, hold them, hug them, play with them and build memories with them. I need to respect, adore, follow and encourage my husband more. I need to appreciate him and build memories with him. I need to live my faith out loud! I need to share the love that Jesus gives with others. I need to appreciate the world, the creation, people and places more. Because when my life comes to an end I don't want someone to look at the tiny box holding all that remains of my earthly self and believe that my life would fit inside. No! I want that tiny box to defy the onlooker to believe that it would be able to hold even a glimmer of me. That the ashes inside are but a sad and minuscule reminder of the being that lived a full and vibrant life no matter how long or short it may be.

That box can not hold me- the true me- the complete me. That tiny box can not be a representation of my life. I must break out of this smallness. I must live large. I must build big memories to leave behind.

All of this was decided in an instant. The instant I saw that blue satin box placed quietly on the table at the front of the small chapel. In that instant I both wondered at the life that was now gone and my life that would continue on. Both of which can not ever be defined or encapsulated in one tiny blue satin box.

Will your life fit into a tiny satin box?