A Blue Satin Box

Recently I said good by to a friend. I attended her memorial service. She wasn't someone I had known long or well but I was enjoying the growing friendship we were cultivating. She was tragically taken from this Earth in a sudden car accident. She is survived by her family which includes two young children. That is what breaks my heart the most. The memories that will fade and more so the ones that will never be made. She loved her children, she treasured them, she sought their joy. She was a person with a bright smile, a curiosity about life and an appreciation for the human being in everyone.

I sat there alone near the front with plenty of tissues in hand. The lights were dim and people filed in slowly talking in low, solemn voices. I listened to the calm music of the pianist. Soon a collage of photos representing her life began to slide across the screen. As I sat there listening and watching, experiencing her life through the eyes of other friends and family I allowed my tears to flow freely. I became a bit introspective. At one moment I looked up at the pictures of her face full of life and the next instant my eyes came to rest on the little box covered in blue satin that held all that remained of Sasha.

Her death touched places in my heart that are deep and still tender. It made me want to gather my family in my home and lock the doors and never venture into the dangerous world of horrors around us. It made me want to cry and cry for her lost memories and for the lost memories of her children but also for the memories that I have not given my family. It made me wonder, if the same fate befell me, would my family know how much I love and adore them. Would they know that I treasure their lives much more than even my own? Would they remember the happy times and the fun times or the sad and harsh times? Would there be enough memories to last a lifetime?

I determined that moment that my life would not fit into a small satin box. I realized that I need to enjoy life's moments more. I need to smile and laugh more. I need to be less selfish and more available. I need to love my children, hold them, hug them, play with them and build memories with them. I need to respect, adore, follow and encourage my husband more. I need to appreciate him and build memories with him. I need to live my faith out loud! I need to share the love that Jesus gives with others. I need to appreciate the world, the creation, people and places more. Because when my life comes to an end I don't want someone to look at the tiny box holding all that remains of my earthly self and believe that my life would fit inside. No! I want that tiny box to defy the onlooker to believe that it would be able to hold even a glimmer of me. That the ashes inside are but a sad and minuscule reminder of the being that lived a full and vibrant life no matter how long or short it may be.

That box can not hold me- the true me- the complete me. That tiny box can not be a representation of my life. I must break out of this smallness. I must live large. I must build big memories to leave behind.

All of this was decided in an instant. The instant I saw that blue satin box placed quietly on the table at the front of the small chapel. In that instant I both wondered at the life that was now gone and my life that would continue on. Both of which can not ever be defined or encapsulated in one tiny blue satin box.

Will your life fit into a tiny satin box?